Hey there. If you are thinking about becoming a therapist, or you already are one, there is one small thing you can do that makes a huge difference for your LGBTQ+ clients. That thing is using the right pronouns. Pronouns are words like he, him, his, she, her, hers, they, them, theirs. Some people use neopronouns like ze or zir. It might sound complicated, but it is really not. And it is one of the most powerful ways to show someone you see them and respect them.

Let me explain why this matters so much. Imagine you walk into a room and everyone calls you by a name that is not yours. Or they say “she” when you are a “he.” It would feel wrong, right? It might even hurt. For many transgender and nonbinary people, being called the wrong pronoun is a daily thing. It is like a little pinprick that happens over and over. Over time, those pinpricks add up. When a therapist uses the right pronouns, it tells the client, “I see you. I accept you. You are safe here.” And that feeling of safety is the first step toward real healing.

So how do you get it right? First, do not guess. When you meet a new client, you can simply ask. Say something like, “What pronouns do you use?” This is a normal, friendly question. You can also share your own pronouns first. For example, “Hi, I’m Sam, and I use they/them pronouns. What about you?” That makes it easier for the other person to share. Some people might not know what pronouns they want yet. That is okay. You can say, “No worries. Just let me know if that changes.”

What if you mess up? Everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is how you handle it. If you say the wrong pronoun, do not make a big deal. Just apologize quickly and move on. Say, “Sorry, I meant they.” Then keep talking. Do not spend five minutes explaining or feeling guilty. That actually makes the client feel like they have to comfort you. Just correct yourself and keep going. That shows you care more about getting it right than about your own feelings.

Now, let me talk about something that might feel confusing at first. Some people use “they” as a singular pronoun. You might have learned in school that “they” is only for groups. But language changes. In real life, we already use “they” for one person all the time. If you find a wallet on the ground, you say, “Someone lost their wallet.” That is singular they. It is not new. It is just being used for people who do not fit into he or she. So when a client says, “I use they/them pronouns,” you can practice by saying sentences like, “They said they are feeling anxious today.” It might feel awkward at first, but you will get used to it.

Here is another tip. Do not assume someone’s pronouns based on how they look or dress. You cannot tell if someone is a he, she, or they by looking at them. A person with a beard might use she/her. A person in a dress might use he/him. A person with short hair might use they/them. You just have to ask. And if you forget, ask again. It is better to ask twice than to get it wrong all the time.

Using the right pronouns is not just about being polite. It is about being a good therapist. When a client feels respected for who they are, they trust you more. They open up more. They stop worrying about being judged and start focusing on their real problems. That is the whole point of therapy. You want to help people heal, and you cannot do that if they are busy hiding a part of themselves.

Some therapists worry they will hurt their client’s feelings by asking. But most LGBTQ+ people actually appreciate being asked. It shows you care. It shows you are not assuming things. So go ahead and ask. It is a simple question that leads to a deeper connection.

One more thing. Keep learning. The world of pronouns and gender is always growing. New words pop up. Some people use multiple sets of pronouns, like he/they or she/they. That just means you can use either one. Ask the client if they have a preference. Maybe they like both equally, or maybe they want you to switch sometimes. The best way to know is to ask nicely.

So here is my friendly challenge for you. Next time you meet someone new, whether it is a client or a friend, try asking for their pronouns. It might feel weird at first, but it gets easier. And it sends a clear message: You matter. You are welcome here. And I am going to do my best to see you for exactly who you are.

That is what LGBTQ+ affirming care is all about. It is not a big mystery. It is just small, respectful actions that add up to big trust. And you can do it. I believe in you.